People tend to drop a line of support in the worst moments. The way I used to roll my eyes when I heard sayings like, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” In those moments, I wasn’t worried about being stronger or God having more faith in me than I did myself. I want a life jacket when I'm drowning, not an uplifting saying. Then, in the summer of 2022, I found myself living out the embodiment of those sayings.
While learning a lesson through others is possible, people are notorious for needing to experience something for themselves. I hated those sayings and got frustrated with those who would say them to me. I realize now that those people had probably been through some shit, so when they said it, it wasn’t just a saying to them; they meant it. I had to see and experience what the sayings expressed before I could consider them valid.
After my dad's death, I remember feeling like there wasn’t much that could phase me. Life felt different; at least, living felt different. My internal dialogue always reminded me in some way or another that my daddy had died, and if I could make it through that, I could get through anything. I didn’t realize this theory would be quickly tested.
My dad's death prepared me for my Bipolar diagnosis. No part of me would have believed I could survive what this disease did to my mind, body, spirit, and family had I not survived my dad’s death. It seems that all the trauma, and baby I’ve been stacking trauma on trauma, has helped me overcome whatever came next.
Look at that.
What didn’t kill me actually made me stronger. Strong enough to face my diagnosis head-on.
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